Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
