Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
