6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
