They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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