I'm lost and stupid without you.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
