Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
