Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This is my gift to your gina
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
