I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
