I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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