Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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