i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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