you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
