At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
