every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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