I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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