I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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