Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
