The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize