hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
