You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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