fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
