I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
