my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
should my penis look like a turkey
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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