that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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