I wish I could teleport
i think my mom watched the whole time
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
