Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
