it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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