he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
