party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
