Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
