I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
