Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
