He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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