dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
