i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize