I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
