i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
