Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
