Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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