you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
