Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
