is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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