so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
