Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
