It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
