I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
