Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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