He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
