Buhtt sex?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
