I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
