I heard we made out
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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