Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
