i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
