i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
FUCK WHALES
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
