Can i not drive my cunt home
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
