Your tits are I can't wait for
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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