she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
did i just pee glitter
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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