there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
