I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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