i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
