16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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