I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
