Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
