And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
