Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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