No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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