if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
