At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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