remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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