I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
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