I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
