i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
