Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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