Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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