god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
