i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I have tasted many bathrooms
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
