tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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