Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
