once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I cut my penus on the lid.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
