apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
