What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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