Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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