then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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