Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
