You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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