she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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