Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
