Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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