cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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