i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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